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I Forgive You Forget A Caregiver's Resource

Why I’m Here

I’ve had more nights than I care to count where I have not slept well, if at all, and then awakened with anxiety and paralyzing fear knowing the day ahead will be volatile and unpredictable.  It feels like I am in rough seas, in a very small rowboat, with no oars.

Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s, or any form of dementia, takes character, an unshakeable one.  It requires us to live and think in different ways, to be flexible where we may not have been in the past.

The ideas and insights I have acquired were born from my own personal foibles and successes, or borrowed from the more wise and well-educated on this disease.  Caregiving, for me, is as much about my own personal growth and personal development as it is about the demanding, and relentless, nuts and bolts of caring for someone with dementia. That said, there can be a silver lining.

Since we have chosen to stay, to nurture, to help, to care for and to love unconditionally the person in our life with dementia, you are the one I created I Forgive, You Forget for.  

IFYF is open 24/7/365.  Our information is presented in a soft, unique manner that is easy to access, easy to absorb, and is mindful of what little time and energy we have on any given day.

How it Began

In July 2011, my Mom was carrying an arm-load of dinner plates when she tripped over the corner of an area rug hurling her head first into a large, antique cast iron stove.  She wound up with a broken nose, shattered eye socket and an ambulance trip to the ER.

The subsequent MRI and CT Scans showed brain atrophy and plaque which validated my 18-month suspicion that something more was going on other than grief from Dad’s passing, and usual forgetfulness.  The Doc looked me square on and said those few, horrific words, “Vic, your mother appears to have Alzheimer’s…” And so began Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.

My name is Victoria, but you can call me Vic.  I felt pretty isolated in the beginning, and at times, I still do.  There have always been critics who sit in the cheap seats, pitching their popcorn, booing and undermining my every move, while others jumped ship altogether on both Mom and me.  I learned that if you don’t have a spine, you’ll grow one.  If you don’t have thick skin, you’ll grow that too.

Thankfully, I also had a handful of angels who did offer their wisdom, experience and encouragement, who did cheer me on and still do.  Their support made my glass half full, yet I knew it was up to me to fill the rest. As the Good Book says, “Search and you will find,” so I went to work.

My intention and hope in IFYF is to put in your heart what is now in mine – to pay it forward to other caregivers with the ideas, suggestions and strategies from those who helped steer my ship, and even those who jumped ship.  There’s something to learn from the negative as well as the positive. My intention and hope is to offer a way around the same or similar stumbling blocks that I tripped over.

I have learned to shave off the excesses in life and live simply. Compassion and patience have become second nature. Letting go of a lot of schit has made room for what matters.  All of this has put me in a better place to manage my life and this disease called dementia.

And all of it combined, surprisingly, makes this wild ride the most beautiful, worthwhile and profound job I’ve ever had…

“Becoming “awake” involves seeing your confusion more clearly.”

-Rumi

I Forgive You Forget A Caregiver's Resource

Why I’m Here

I’ve had more nights than I care to count where I have not slept well, if at all, and then awakened with anxiety and paralyzing fear knowing the day ahead will be volatile and unpredictable.  It feels like I am in rough seas, in a very small rowboat, with no oars.

Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s, or any form of dementia, takes character, an unshakeable one.  It requires us to live and think in different ways, to be flexible where we may not have been in the past.

The ideas and insights I have acquired were born from my own personal foibles and successes, or borrowed from the more wise and well-educated on this disease.  Caregiving, for me, is as much about my own personal growth and personal development as it is about the demanding, and relentless, nuts and bolts of caring for someone with dementia. That said, there can be a silver lining.

Since we have chosen to stay, to nurture, to help, to care for and to love unconditionally the person in our life with dementia, you are the one I created I Forgive, You Forget for.  

IFYF is open 24/7/365.  Our information is presented in a soft, unique manner that is easy to access, easy to absorb, and is mindful of what little time and energy we have on any given day.

How it Began

In July 2011, my Mom was carrying an arm-load of dinner plates when she tripped over the corner of an area rug hurling her head first into a large, antique cast iron stove.  She wound up with a broken nose, shattered eye socket and an ambulance trip to the ER.

The subsequent MRI and CT Scans showed brain atrophy and plaque which validated my 18-month suspicion that something more was going on other than grief from Dad’s passing, and usual forgetfulness.  The Doc looked me square on and said those few, horrific words, “Vic, your mother appears to have Alzheimer’s…” And so began Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.

My name is Victoria, but you can call me Vic.  I felt pretty isolated in the beginning, and at times, I still do.  There have always been critics who sit in the cheap seats, pitching their popcorn, booing and undermining my every move, while others jumped ship altogether on both Mom and me.  I learned that if you don’t have a spine, you’ll grow one.  If you don’t have thick skin, you’ll grow that too.

Thankfully, I also had a handful of angels who did offer their wisdom, experience and encouragement, who did cheer me on and still do.  Their support made my glass half full, yet I knew it was up to me to fill the rest. As the Good Book says, “Search and you will find,” so I went to work.

My intention and hope in IFYF is to put in your heart what is now in mine – to pay it forward to other caregivers with the ideas, suggestions and strategies from those who helped steer my ship, and even those who jumped ship.  There’s something to learn from the negative as well as the positive. My intention and hope is to offer a way around the same or similar stumbling blocks that I tripped over.

I have learned to shave off the excesses in life and live simply. Compassion and patience have become second nature. Letting go of a lot of schit has made room for what matters.  All of this has put me in a better place to manage my life and this disease called dementia.

And all of it combined, surprisingly, makes this wild ride the most beautiful, worthwhile and profound job I’ve ever had…

“Becoming “awake” involves seeing your confusion more clearly.”

-Rumi

I Forgive You Forget A Caregiver's Resource

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